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you say what? #32

September 18, 2008

this is super hilarious! written by G, a copywriter whom i used to work with. she sent it to the creatives + suits she know – creatives in the “To” list and suits in the “Cc” list. you’ll find out why in a bit.

SO YOU WANT TO BE A SUIT? Here are some things you need to know:

1. Put everyone you know on the CC. Yes, the tea lady needs to know you told the writer to change Point #16 of the terms and conditions. Learn to CC every goddamned mother’s son.

2. Always cover your ass and make sure people know what you’ve been doing. (See Point #1)

3. Begin every conversation, every meeting with: “Just to recap our last discussion/meeting…” Because when you’re meeting for the 150th time to “discuss” what you “discussed about previously”, chances are, no one would remember what was really discussed….previously.

4. “My client says…” Another excellent conversation-opener.

5. Deadlines. 2 kinds:

a. To Client: A certain date, e.g. Nov 15.
b. To Creative team: A certain date brought forward by 2-3 days (number of days depending on how difficult the ECD is) e.g Nov 12.

Note: The Creatives must NEVER find out the promised date to the client.

6. If you’re feeling lonely, or hate having to make decisions or just rather talk about something than to actually do it – call for a meeting.

7. ‘Changes’ = ‘Comments’. Creatives are frail creatures so euphemisms always help. E.g. ‘Clients came back with some comments.’

8. Play client. Not happy with the concept? Dare not show the client? Then give your comments and pass it off as “the client’s.” (See #4)

9. Email chains. ‘FWD’ – a close cousin of the ‘CC’. (To recap, see #1) To showcase your flair for powerful & effective communication, always use ‘FWD’ together with ‘CC’ and affix with ‘FYI’. Don’t bother about deleting previous threads – you will work on the assumption that everyone has plenty of time on their hands.

10. A writer always has the last word in any argument. Anything a suit says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

brilliant! 😀

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